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Fate Destin Accident

Fate
Destin
Or anything else
Basically have a thousand definitions
But what about accident?
Does it belong to fate or destiny?

I do know you. I met you. Accidentally. Wait, does it an accident? We know each other. And everything that happens after all. Even we have the same feeling. Does it still an accident? No. I don’t think so.
Somehow we were meant to, accidentally.

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Renungan Petang

Ini ceritanya aku lagi di dalem bus *bukan cerita sih, emang beneran* trus throwback. Eh bentar, aku ceritain dari awalnya dulu *pembaca bubar* *lho jangan*
Aku lagi perjalanan pulang dari Semarang, 27 April 2014 trus cuaca Semarang sedang hujan rintik-rintik, lebih pasnya sih habis hujan. Ratusan tetesan hujan dari atas jendela bus di luar mengalir setiap kali bus bergerak. Dan hanya satu tetes air hujan yang berhasil menarik perhatianku. Satu tetes yang tidak bergeming. Hanya diam di tempat.
Zedd’s Clarity was on *waktu itu aku emang lagi dengerin lagu ini*. Kemudian, ada satu tetes lain yang turun menghampiri air yang diam tadi. Mereka dekat. Sangat dekat. Namun tidak bersatu. Hanya diam juga. Dalam jarak kurang dari satu sentimeter.
Bus berjalan, air kedua kembali menetes di kaca jendela. Tidak mendekat, justru menjauh. Dan semakin menjauh. Namun kemudian, sebuah kekuatan mendorong air tetes pertama untuk menetes mendekati air yang meninggalkannya tadi. Dan pas itu, liriknya lagu pas banget if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? Rasanya relatable gitu, air yang tadi diam bergerak menyusul air yang meninggalkannya. Dan… pas si Foxes nyanyi bagian if our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity? Kedua tetesan air tadi bersatu dan turun bersama.
Dan kemudian aku merenung, dalam diam. Sementara bus terus melaju, aku menyadari suatu hal. Seperti ada keterkaitan antara tetes air hujan di kaca jendela bus, lagu Clarity-nya Zedd, sama ceritaku.
Hei kamu, apakah kamu merasakan apa yang aku rasakan? Apakah ada kemungkinan kalau kita seperti dua tetesan air hujan itu? Jika cinta kita berakhir tragedi, mengapa kau menjadi pengobatanku? Jika cinta kita memang gila, mengapa kau menjadi pencerahanku?
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity?

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Lost

I’m lost. It’s not kind of trapped or something. But I’m lost. In my own dream. Ever since you’d gone away.

I’m lost. And everything that I’d dreamed about have gone. Nobody knows. Including me. All the sweetness and happiness. And the only thing I would miss forever. You.

I’m lost. And there’s no way home. There’s no home in my dream. The only home was when I keep staring at your sharp eyes. And you’d gone. So where is the right place for me?

I’m lost. And I’m insecure. It’s like “let go someone I don’t want to, but I must to”. You’d gone for no reason. You’d just gone. Where are you? Is my dreamland not good enough for you?

I’m lost. And bad thing happens, I miss you. I miss you messing my dreams up. I miss your sweet smile, your different accent, your board shoulders, and your honest personality.

I’m lost. And there’s nothing I could do. All I could do is just hoping. Please come back to my mind. To the world when I close my eyes. To the world when nobody knows, here, beneath my skin.

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The Feeling

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau mendengarnya?

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau melihatnya?

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau merasakannya?

Semua yang aku dengar, aku lihat, dan aku rasakan saat ini, menjadi bukti nyata bahwa aku telah mendapatkan hal baru. Aku tak terbiasa dengan semua ini. Terlebih lagi, saat kau di sini.

Aku mendengar gemuruh perasaan aneh, aku melihat pelangi yang tiba-tiba muncul di hadapanku, aku merasakan desiran dan debaran lembut di hatiku, juga kupu-kupu yang beterbangan di perutku. Semuanya terjadi ketika aku berada dekat denganku.

Perasaan aneh ini, mengalir begitu saja di tiap detik aliran darahku. Melebur menjadi satu. The feeling I’ve never felt before. Uncontrolable, undeniable, unconditional.

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Broken-hearted

I know it all. I was an idiot. I was stupid that day. I broke up with you. I still remember the moment, when I finally said goodbye. Then you walked away, without any words to say, so lame. And the leaves fell down as the feeling between us.

But then I’ve fallen in love with you, lately. Again. I’ve been trying to take you back. There’s nothing happened. You turned into a man, so masculine. And I thought I’m in love with you, more than I did in the high school.

And I wondered, why did I break you up? Why did I hurt you? What did I think? Did I not think about the risk? And the reflection that would happen in future? I’m such an idiot.

However, you never realize everything that I do. “I’m just your ex, I’m just your friend”. Maybe that’s enough to explain about me, for you. You do the best to erase my name in your heart. You did it. But I didn’t.

Days by days, she’s coming. And without any permissions, she easily wins in your heart. In less than 6 months. You’ve fallen in love with that American girls. And everything’s going worse. I watched you laughed, hugged, even kissed, when those all should’ve been me if I wasn’t really stupid.

But what else can I do? You finally met another girl that gonna put you first. Then I told you I was falling in love with you. But that’s not even help me anymore. All I do is nothing. You’ll never coming back to me. After the last words I said years ago.

So I live my life miserably. I’m miserable. I’m suffering. And everything’s going even worse when I received a sweet wedding invitations. Your name and her name were there. I’m desperate instantly. Could life get any worse?

I didn’t come to your wedding. It’s hurt to let go someone I don’t wanna let go. So here I am, just watching you laugh with another girl. Sometimes I wonder, if there were a time machine, I’ll go back to the day when we broke up. And turn away my words. So my name would there, with yours. In our wedding invitations.

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Have you ever feel…

Have you ever feel something which you can’t deny and even hide it? Yeah, it’s like something awful happens inside of your heart. And this ‘something awful’ happens because there’s a special thing which you haven’t feel it yet before.

Have you ever feel like there are a thousand butterflies fly beautifully inside of your tummy? Bringing a bunch of happiness and marvelously kiss your tummy as well as your mom does. It feels so awful, isn’t it?

Have you ever feel like your legs are too light to walking so you’ve two wings behind your back and you can fly away and singing na na na na na around the park? Singing as beautiful as Mariah Carey does and don’t even care if your voice isn’t stunning anymore.

Have you ever feel like you can swimming along seventh oceans at once? Tickling some kinds of fishes and laugh with them. Though you know they are dangerous and unbreakable creatures all around the world.

Have you ever feel like you’re in a quite huge mansion and you wear a dress as a precious princess? You have a great parents who people called them Majesty and you have a thousand bunches of people who will protect you and obey in every words you say.

Have you ever feel those feelings?

I don’t know if I’m too young or not to get those but, people usually called those feelings as, y’know, L O V E.

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This Lullaby

Image

This lullaby is only a few words
A simple run of chords
Quiet here in that spare room
But you can hear it, hear it
Wherever you may go
I will let you down
But this lullaby plays on…

Begitulah, lirik lagu This Lullaby ciptaan Thomas Custer yang beberapa kali disitir di novel terjemahan karya Sarah Dessen yang udah lama beli tapi baru baca akhir-akhir ini.

Ceritanya tentang seorang remaja bernama Remy yang berumur 19 tahun, baru saja lulus dari SMA dan siap melanjutkan kuliah jauh dari kotanya. Ayahnya yang seorang musisi bercerai dengan ibunya dan kemudian meninggal tidak lama setelah itu. Gadis pirang itu tinggal bersama ibu dan kakak laki-lakinya, Chris. Karena hobi ibunya yang suka gonta-ganti-pasangan sampai akhirnya menikah untuk kelima kalinya, membuat Remy berpikir bahwa cinta itu hanya omong kosong dan dicari orang hanya untuk mendapatkan kesenangan. Dan hobi ibunya tersebut berhasil merubah sosoknya menjadi seorang yang apatis terhadap cinta.

Suatu hari, tanpa disengaja, saat ia menunggu Don (ayah tirinya yang keempat) di tempat kerjanya, Remy bertemu seorang pemuda berambut ikal yang bernama Dexter. Pemuda itu mengatakan bahwa mereka berdua memiliki ketertarikan alami dan diciptakan untuk hidup bersama. Remy menganggapnya sebagai hal konyol dan meninggalkannya.

Beberapa kali Remy sering bertemu dengan Dexter yang misterius itu setelah pertemuan pertama mereka. Dexter mempunyai kepribadian yang tak disukai Remy; tak teratur, kikuk, berantakan, dan juga implusif. Dan yang tak disangka Remy, ternyata Dexter adalah seorang musisi dan bermain sebagai vokalis di band yang menjadi pengiring pernikahan ibunya. Sejak saat itu, Dexter sering muncul secara tak disangka ketika Remy sedang kesepian, atau saat dia tidak sengaja termasuk dalam kasus pertengkaran.

Pada akhirnya, Remy pun mulai mencintai Dexter namun tetap tidak mengakui kalau dia adalah kekasihnya. Namun, tiba-tiba Remy memutuskan hubungannya dengan Dexter dan pergi meninggalkannya ke pemuda lain bernama Paul. Kakaknya, Chris, bertunangan dengan Jennifer Anne, namun masalah lain, ternyata Don mengkhianati ibu Remy. Keempat sahabat Remy yang selalu membantu masalah Remy akhirnya berhasil menyadarkannya kalau dia kosong dan membenarkan bahwa ia masih mencintai Dexter.

Pada akhirnya, Remy menyadarinya dan meminta maaf pada Dexter dan akhirnya mereka kembali bersama meskipun Remy harus berpisah dengan Dexter untuk kuliah. Dan di akhir cerita, Remy hanya bisa tertidur saat Dexter menyanyikan lagu This Lullaby, yang selama hidupnya ia benci.

Cerita selanjutnya masih berlanjut di novel Just Listen. Karena di gramedia cuma ada This Lullaby, jadi aku terpaksa menerima cerita nggantung di sini.