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The Feeling

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau mendengarnya?

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau melihatnya?

Apa itu? Tidakkah kau merasakannya?

Semua yang aku dengar, aku lihat, dan aku rasakan saat ini, menjadi bukti nyata bahwa aku telah mendapatkan hal baru. Aku tak terbiasa dengan semua ini. Terlebih lagi, saat kau di sini.

Aku mendengar gemuruh perasaan aneh, aku melihat pelangi yang tiba-tiba muncul di hadapanku, aku merasakan desiran dan debaran lembut di hatiku, juga kupu-kupu yang beterbangan di perutku. Semuanya terjadi ketika aku berada dekat denganku.

Perasaan aneh ini, mengalir begitu saja di tiap detik aliran darahku. Melebur menjadi satu. The feeling I’ve never felt before. Uncontrolable, undeniable, unconditional.

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Percaya

PERCAYA

Satu kata, tiga suku kata, tujuh huruf, empat konsonan dan tiga vokal, mampu mengubah segalanya, begitu kata orang-orang. Aku kira aku telah menggunakan kata ini dengan benar. Tapi mengapa masih tidak benar? Mengapa orang-orang yang aku percayai justru mengkhianatiku? Apakah ada yang salah dengan ke-percaya-an yang aku gunakan pada orang lain?

Jika kau percaya, kau akan kuat. Lagi, kata percaya juga digunakan di nasehat ini. Aku mencoba percaya pada diriku sendiri, namun bukan kekuatan yang aku dapatkan. Tapi justru kelemahan yang terus muncul. Apakah ada yang salah dengan ke-percaya-an yang aku gunukan pada diriku sendiri?

Semuanya akan mungkin, jika kau percaya. Lagi dan lagi, seolah kata ini memang harus digunakan ditiap nasehat. Aku lelah dengan kata ini. Semua yang aku percayai justru membuatku makin tidak percaya (kecuali Tuhan dan agama). Seseorang tolong beritahu aku lebih lanjut tentang percaya. Apakah ke-percaya-an ku kurang selama ini?

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Broken-hearted

I know it all. I was an idiot. I was stupid that day. I broke up with you. I still remember the moment, when I finally said goodbye. Then you walked away, without any words to say, so lame. And the leaves fell down as the feeling between us.

But then I’ve fallen in love with you, lately. Again. I’ve been trying to take you back. There’s nothing happened. You turned into a man, so masculine. And I thought I’m in love with you, more than I did in the high school.

And I wondered, why did I break you up? Why did I hurt you? What did I think? Did I not think about the risk? And the reflection that would happen in future? I’m such an idiot.

However, you never realize everything that I do. “I’m just your ex, I’m just your friend”. Maybe that’s enough to explain about me, for you. You do the best to erase my name in your heart. You did it. But I didn’t.

Days by days, she’s coming. And without any permissions, she easily wins in your heart. In less than 6 months. You’ve fallen in love with that American girls. And everything’s going worse. I watched you laughed, hugged, even kissed, when those all should’ve been me if I wasn’t really stupid.

But what else can I do? You finally met another girl that gonna put you first. Then I told you I was falling in love with you. But that’s not even help me anymore. All I do is nothing. You’ll never coming back to me. After the last words I said years ago.

So I live my life miserably. I’m miserable. I’m suffering. And everything’s going even worse when I received a sweet wedding invitations. Your name and her name were there. I’m desperate instantly. Could life get any worse?

I didn’t come to your wedding. It’s hurt to let go someone I don’t wanna let go. So here I am, just watching you laugh with another girl. Sometimes I wonder, if there were a time machine, I’ll go back to the day when we broke up. And turn away my words. So my name would there, with yours. In our wedding invitations.